A Drunk Night
by Elsa the Night Fury
Summary: Hiccup has taken it pretty far, and Astrid has to deal with the mess he created while she was gone. Hiccup gets drunk one night and Toothless drank the leftover mead, leaving him drunk as well. How will Astrid deal with the two funny friends? One shot. Valka included as well. Hiccup and Astrid are married.


Author's Note: This is an extremely, hilarious oneshot that my friend and I created. We did one paragraph after another, so the first paragraph was created by me, then the next one my friend, then me, and so on. Enjoy!

Hiccup grabbed the mug and thew it across the room, and walked around the house like a zombie.

Astrid stepped into the house, alerted by her husband's commotion outside. "Ahhh...jeez..." Astrid muttered, stepping up to him. "Hiccup...honey...? I told you it's not good to drink when you're upset...you know that..."

"C'mon babe...try to calm down, what were you upset about this time...?" Astrid questioned, pushing her husband down into a chair to keep him still and from destroying stuff.

"Mm...nothing..." Hiccup murmured, rubbing his eyes again. Astrid rolled her eyes. "Wait, where's Toothless?" She asked, glancing around. Hiccup then growled. "He...he ate all the food in our kitchen...then...I got...upset..." Astrid chuckled.  
"Not again..." she muttered, glancing upstairs as Toothless tumbled down the stairs, looking as though the dragon might have gotten into food he shouldn't have, making him loopy.

Toothless stumbled down to the ground and smashed face first into the wall in front. The dragon hiccuped and barked, seeming drunk as well. Hiccup and Toothless exchanged drunk glares.

"You two..." Astrid sighed, standing up. "Okay, next question...where's Valka? I bet she raided the kitchen too, huh...?" Astrid remarked sarcastically. "N-nuu...oooo..." Hiccup replied, holding his head gently. "Clouuud...hopper whatzits...withheeerrr..."

Toothless breathed a tiny, harmless Plasma Blast at Hiccup's forehead, and it exploded harmlessly against himz making a little sizzle and pop noise.

Astrid stood up, glaring at Toothless. "Oh..ho kay...you two are obviously not good together right now...Toothless, upstairs, now." she said, pointing towards the stairs.  
Toothless dulled his eyes and then amusingly, breathed another tiny, harmless Plasma Blast at Astrid's forehead. Both drunk friends laughed at her when seeing the look on her face.

"Nope. Nope nope nope." Astrid breathed, mentally telling herself not to flip. "Get. Upstairs. NOW."

Toothless burrped and tilted his head, and then he lay down next to his rider. Astrid sighed.

"You...stupid...dense...irritating little..." Astrid pinched the bridge of her nose, huffing loudly. "Okay, how about this..." Picking up her husband by his shoulders, she shoved him towards the stairs. "Now I can carry YOU if I have to. GET. UPSTAIRS."

Hiccup moaned and obeyed, and he went up the stairs to his room. Toothless yawned and stretched. A few moments later, Astrid heard a crash from upstairs to from where Hiccup went to.

"You two are like children, I swear!" she hissed under her breath, glaring at Toothless for a moment. "DON'T. MOVE." she demanded, pointing a finger at him before stalking upstairs to Hiccup.

Astrid saw Hiccup on the floor, pencils scattered around the floor.

"Hiccup...honey...get up...please...I DO NOT...have the energy for this..." Astrid sighed, nudging him with her foot.

Hiccup shoved her away and ignored her, and he lay down on his back on the floor. "Sleep on the bed, not on the floor where it's dirty!" Astrid said, narrowing her eyes at her husband.

"Nooo! The floor is my friend!" Hiccup replied, glancing up at her. "Go talk to my turkey dragon downstairs, but remember, he likes bacon, don't give 'em the cheap stuff, they get all funny about it..." Hiccup rambled on, turning to stare back up at the ceiling.

Astrid bent over and grabbed Hiccup and yanked him up to his feet. "Frieeennndddd...!" Hiccup called out, and he sat on the bed.

"Honey...no more liquor, got it...? You can't drink your problems away...not that you'll remember anything I'm saying..." she sighed, holding his shoulders for a moment before turning to head downstairs.

"Yea...yes..." Hiccup murmured. "Remind me...to...tell my...wife...that...I'm cheating..." Astrid stopped in her tracks.

"S'cuse me...WHAT?!" she hissed, whipping around to glare at him. "You. are. what...?!" she questioned, pointing a finger at him.

"Cheating..." Hiccup mumbled, closing his eyes. "Her name is...Elly. she says...she hates you...,"

"Elly...?" Astrid had never heard this name before. "Who's Elly...?"

"Elly...is my...wife...Elly...is a...dragon..."

"Who the hell are you talking about, Hiccup?!" Astrid asked loudly, almost screaming at him. Taking in a deep breath, she held her temples. "You know what...?! Nevermind. I'll be downstairs."

Hiccup laughed and Astrid headed downstairs. Toothless was eating one of the table legs.

"Toothless! Stop that!" she gasped, running over to him and prying his jaws off the upholstery. "No! Bad dragon! You aren't usually like this...oh no..." Astrid breathed, glancing at the spot Toothless had been lying earlier. "You peed all over the floor?! Ewwww!"

Toothless cooed and stared at the pee. Then he opened his jaws, his tongue ready to lick the nasty liquid. "EWW! NO!" Astrid cried, and she pushed Toothless' head away before he could lick it.

"Okay, no, no no! Don't drink that! Gods no!" she sighed, shoving him further away. Toothless, glancing at the urine, then suddenly began licking Astrid's face, thoroughly. "Ewww! Gods, get off me! I don't know what's been in your mouth lately!"

Toothless stopped licking her and he yawned, and placed his head on the ground.

"Gosh...dragons are gross...I wonder what he ate though to cause him to act like this...?" she thought aloud, glancing the Night Fury over. "How am I going to deal with this mess...?"

Astrid turned her head and when she looked at the corner of the kitchen, she groaned, "Hiccup, you idiot." There was a bucket barrel of MEAD, and it was full of it. Toothless probably drank a lot of it.

"God...stupid..." Astrid sighed, glancing about the house in wonderance to what she should fix first...

She would have to clean up Toothless' accident. She cleaned the floor after a few moments and sighed, washing her hands with a bucket of water.

"How should I deal with my idiot husband...?" Astrid muttered to herself as she glanced at the stairs. "I wonder if he's fallen asleep like Toothless..."

Astrid went upstairs and saw Hiccup on his side, playing with a pencil on the ground.

"What are you doing honey...?" she asked, watching as he jumped and looked up at her, probably unknowing to her presence seconds before. "Well...that watermelon over there-..." he started, pointing at the skylight, "told me to try and draw ruff and tuff riding yaks outside...yaks like bacon too...right...?"

Astrid rolled her eyes and frowned, and she took the pencil away from him. "You should get some rest," she said.

"Not tired!" Hiccup immediately replied, trying to wrap his arms around the floor. "My friends, their tribe. Calling me to join them!"

"You are VERY out of it," Astrid breathed, and picked up the pencils on the ground. "Why do you have so many pencils?" Astrid asked, but not mainly to Hiccup, but he answered her anyway.

"PENCIL BRETHEREN! FLEE! FLEEEEEE! THE SHE-BEAST HAS TAKEN YOU AWAY! FLLYyyy awaaaay, fllyyy away...yaahaddaa...i'll swim and...sail...savage seas...n'eer a fear...drowning...gladlyyyyy riding wavess.s...to life...ifff...ifff you'll...marryyyy meeeee..." he slurred, closing his eyes as he continued to hum quietly to himself.

Astrid sighed and realized her husband was falling asleep. She quickly ran out of the room and downstairs.

Toothless blinked, glancing up as Astrid ran down the stairs. Growling quietly, his stood up and bared his teeth, daring her to come close to him for some reason, like he was trying to hide something he didn't want her to see.

Astrid stared at him in confusion. "Toothless?" She asked, and the Night Fury growled.

Glancing behind the dragon, she noticed he was hiding...the majority of Valka's clothes. He must have stolen them from her room while Astrid had been upstairs...

"Toothless, give them to me. Those are Valka's clothes." Toothless snarled at her and curled his tail around them.

"Oh gods...at least Valka wasn't here to deal with this..." she sighed, stepping closer to her husband's dragon. "Toothless...give. Them. To. Me..." she said sternly, creeping towards him.

Toothless suddenly jumped onto the table and growled. Astrid lunged for the clothes and grabbed them, and Toothless roared. Suddenly, the door opened, revealing Valka standing there.

"Great, can this day get any worse?!" Astrid wailed, hugging the clothing close to her as Toothless trained his focus Valka, who was rather speechless. "What...is happening?!" she asked.

"Your son and his dragon drank the mead and got drunk. They were going loco and now Toothless stole your clothes, which I have in my hands..."

Valka facepalmed and glanced at Toothless, who was staring at her. "How much did he drink...? And how much did Hiccup drink to let Toothless drink some as well...?"

"They both drank a LOT, Valka," Astrid said, handing her clothes to her.

Valka took the clothes and sighed. "Well, we will just have to have them sleep it off."

Astrid nodded, and Toothless rolled off the table and plopped onto the ground. He covered his snout with his talons and fell asleep.

Author's Note: Pretty funny, right? I know you enjoyed it. Leave reviews please! Thanks! And I give credit to my friend as well. :D


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